and i know you too well to say you're perfect
by ofmermaidsandmarauders
Summary: "Yeah, you were a pretty big moron." "Hey, I said idiot!" Lily's not really sure when James Potter, soccer extraordinaire, took over her life with Harry.


"No, Harry. For the thousandth time, I don't want to take you to that weird signing at the sports complex tomorrow." Lily placed the newspaper beside her bowl of fruit, starting at her son over the rim of her reading glasses.

"Mom, you _promised_ me that if I was able to get all A's I could go, and I brought up that science grade to an A-minus and I did all of my chores plus some this week, so I think you owe me." Her seven -year-old son huffed indignantly as he adjusted his wire-rimmed frames and then crossed his arms. She stared at him again and wondered how this child had managed to fit so much attitude and snark into such a tiny body. He was a peanut, one of the smallest in his class, but she swore that he had the biggest personality.

After a momentary stare down, Lily sighed and within an instant, Harry knew that his mother had given in and he had won. His fist pumped in the air before he skidded over to the kitchen table, leaning in to kiss her on her freckled cheek.

"Love you, mom! I'm going to play at Ron's house now!" He snagged a chunk of melon from her bowl and she watched through the kitchen window as he jogged out the back door, across the green lawn and knocked on the Weasley's side door, letting himself in a second later.

Looking at the line wrapped around the building, Lily let out another sigh.

"Mom, please stop. I know you don't want to be here, but could you pretend that you're excited? You're gonna ebraress me!" Harry looked so annoyed with her that she couldn't find it in her to correct his language, instead holding inside a giggle and reaching for his hand.

"You're right, I'm sorry, Peanut. Let's go grab a spot in line and then I'll give you a snack. You too, Ron." The redhead grinned at Lily, always up for a bite to eat.

"Thanks, Miss Evans, I mean… Lily." Ron's manners were impeccable, despite the fact that she had been training him to call her Lily since he started to talk.

An hour had passed, and then another. The two boys seemed to be entertained despite the long wait, and Lily had managed to pass the time with a book she was able to fit into her purse. She flipped another page, only half paying attention as she was focused on the two boys in front of her to ensure that they were safe. Harry and Ron were behaving quite well compared to some of the other children in the area, and it made her feel more confident in her decision to reward her son and his friend with this experience, despite the deep desire to fake being sick to avoid it.

"MOM, I think I can see him!" Harry started to tug on her arm. She swiveled to see the table at the other end of the indoor arena, finally in the air-conditioned building, for which she was very grateful. Lily could barely make out the table and let out a sigh, shaking her head.

"There is no way you can see anyone when I can't over this crowd, nevermind someone your height, bud. Don't worry, I'm sure we'll get up there and you'll get to meet your favorite. Jimmy Potts? Is that?"

The glare Harry sent her way made her mouth shut almost immediately.

"Mom, _please_ please don't say anything when we get up close. Please, I'm begging you. I'll do my chores forever if you just don't." Harry was obviously so anxious about meeting his favorite athlete that she immediately nodded. Lily leaned down to kiss the top of his head before smiling at Ron who was watching the encounter with wide eyes.

"It's James Potter, Miss Evans," Ron whispered to her once Harry had busied himself with checking that he had a pen in his small backpack for the tenth time that hour. Lily winked at Ron and ruffled his hair. "Thanks." She whispered in return.

"Next! One picture per person, per athlete. No longer than two minutes per athlete. No excuses!" The security guard explained to the batch of people who were preparing to enter the side room where they were conducting the meet and greets with sports stars. Harry bounced on the balls of his feet, nodding at the guard who met Lily's gaze and she swore he was smiling for a split second.

"I can't wait to meet Sirius Black!" Ron exclaimed as he and Harry swapped stories. "When he scored that goal last season, I think it was the best day of my whole entire life!"

"Yeah but what about when James scored the goal to get them into overtime this season and then scored the winning goal! He's the absolute best!" Harry countered, his eyes lit up.

"They both seem to be pretty talented," Lily argued, smiling down at the two.

"They are, mom. And they're the best of friends. Just like me and Ron! We're going to grow up and be the two all-star players, just like Sirius and James!"

"Okay, you three can go in." The security guard interrupted them. Harry and Ron took a moment to look at one another and grin before pushing forward into the room, Lily holding onto their bags as they brought up the soccer balls they had brought to be signed. They met with some of the smaller players from the team before approaching the final table where two paper name plates were folded.

**Sirius Black**

**James Potter**

Except Potter's seat was empty. Within a moment's notice, she peeked down to see that Harry's face had fallen and he was immediately upset. His lower lip trembled and Lily took a moment to squeeze his shoulder before pressing him forward. Harry mustered up a sad smile as he joined Ron to talk about how much he loved Sirius. The raven-haired male grinned as he signed the soccer balls, continuing to chat with them while Harry kept glancing at James' empty seat.

Lily grew increasingly furious as she noticed each of Harry's glances. He was heartbroken and she knew he'd not move on from this incident for weeks to come. She snuck over to the side of the roping where a security guard spoke to another tall man who was dressed in slacks and a button down.

"Excuse me, are you the organizer of this event? I noticed that James Potter was billed to be appearing today, and I've also noticed that he is not currently in his seat. Is there a good explanation for this?" Her arms crossed over her chest as her left eyebrow arched. The tone of her voice let it be known that there was absolutely no excuse.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. He had to step away briefly and will be returning rather shortly. Are you a fan?" The man asked and she quickly laughed, a bitter sound that sounded forced.

"A fan? Certainly not after today! Do you see that boy over there? The dark hair, glasses? That's my son. And Potter is his idol but unfortunately for him, that toerag chose to step away from the table for a _brief period_ and now I'll be spending the next two weeks or so attempting to mend his heard. So tell Mr. Potter thank you _very much_ and that next time he's set to appear somewhere, maybe he should take into account the severity of his actions when choosing when or when not to be in his seat." Her lips pursed as the security guard ushered Harry and Ron away from the table and through the ropes, on the opposite side of the room.

"If you'll excuse me.." She muttered before pushing past the organizer, immediately rushing to Harry outside of the doors who was beginning to look around nervously.

"M-mama.." He whimpered once he had spotted her, just as she lifted him into her arms, reaching down for Ron's hand to console him as well, though he wasn't nearly as upset.

She began to brusquely walk towards the exit before bumping into another tall man.

"Oh, excuse me!" She stumbled back before smiling up at the sandy-haired man.

"Lily?" It was only at the sound of her own name that she glanced at the man and laughed slightly.

"Remus?!" Her own voice was dripping with shock as she dropped Ron's hand to offer the man a one-armed hug.

"What are you doing… actually, nevermind. I'm assuming you're here for the event. Is, er, is everything alright?" He gestured to the crying boy in her arms and Lily sighed, shifting Harry onto her other hip as he continued to cry softly into her shoulder.

"No, actually. Harry was quite excited to meet his idol, James Potter, who unfortunately stepped away from the table and didn't return in the entirety of their time in the room. The organizer was not helpful either, unfortunately." She shook her head before giving a one-shouldered shrug. "What are you doing here?"

"I actually manage a few of the men on the team. Became really great friends with them when I transferred to that school up north after my father's transfer. They knew I had a strong business background, so now here I am. Actually, if you return at the end of the day, I can probably… I know I can make things right." He whispered, gesturing to the sad boy on her shoulder.

"Oh, I can't ask you to-" Lily was cut off as Harry smacked her lightly on the arm.

"Mom what are you doing?" He hissed, loud enough for Remus, who was chuckling now, to hear.

"It's no bother. Come back in a few hours." Ron and Harry were both giggling and squealing out of excitement at the idea of having their own personal session with their favorite team.

"Alright then, we'll grab dinner and be back, I suppose."

"You boys are to be on your _**best**_ behavior, do you understand me? If they ask us to leave, there will be no whining. This is a special favor from an old friend of mine!" She waited for both Ron and Harry to nod in agreement before stepping up to the glass doors of the sports complex.

Remus was just inside, luckily, as she was nervous a security guard would deny them entry and the boys would be heartbroken once again.

"Right this way you two, I know you met almost all of the players early, so I'll just take you to meet James and see Sirius again. The two are sharing a room."

Lily was holding the hands of her son and his friend, and she could feel the electricity from their bodies practically pushing into her palms while they all chatted with Remus on the brief walk.

"Knock, knock," Remus called as he did just that before pressing the door open a crack.

"Everyone decent?" He confirmed before pressing the door open further.

"Moony, one would argue we're never decent." She recognized Sirius' voice from earlier in the day. Lily watched as Harry's face lit up at just the sound of one of his favorite players.

"I have two boys here who wanted another chance to meet with you, as earlier didn't go as planned. Harry, Ron, c'mon in." Lily continued to watch her son as he rushed into the room, glancing up as he squeaked.

If there was a way to watch her reaction, Lily would have loved to have seen that footage, because she imagines her squeak sounded similar to the one Harry let out once she saw exactly what James Potter looks like.

"Well, hello there. I thought you said you weren't a fan." James Potter noticed her the minute that the sound came out of her mouth.

"I'm not, as I mentioned. My son is." She gestured to the boy who was looking at her with a confused expression.

"Mom, did you meet Mr. Potter?" He asked, looking expectantly between the two.

"Sort of, I guess so. Earlier today I spoke to him when he wasn't in his seat and left you very upset, in tears actually." The last part was spat out angrily, her gaze returning to meet the soccer player's. He had the decency to look guilty and that made her feel a bit better, if only out of sheer pettiness. Sirius stood in the background with Ron, glancing up at the two with a smirk on his face. Remus stood beside Sirius with his own smirk.

"I'm really sorry, bud. My mom calls me at the same time every week, and I couldn't ignore her call. My mom is my number one in life and I've always got to keep our phone call, or else I'd upset her. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I hope you can forgive me. Moms are just so important." He spoke candidly but the words only angered Lily more as she felt like he was toying with her to try to make it better. Lily rolled her eyes and then went to sit beside her son, smoothing his hair down for a moment.

"Why don't you ask James to sign your soccer ball and take the picture so we can head out and let Mr. Potter and Mr. Black get back to their very busy lives including phone calls with their _mothers_." Lily looked at James to let him know how she truly felt as Harry busied himself with pulling the soccer ball from his bag.

"You're my favorite, Mister Potter! When you scored those two goals this past season I was so .. it was super cool." Harry was breathless as James met his gaze and laughed.

"Yeah, it was super cool. I just had to do my best and that was a really good day." James explained as he glanced at Sirius who sat on the couch across from them. Remus perched himself on the arm of it and smiled at the exchange. Lily moved to stand by his side.

"Next time you say you're a manager for a few of the guys on the team, maybe don't leave out the fact that it's their star players." She nudged his side before giggling.

"I can't give away all of my trade secrets. Besides, the look on your face when you realized that it was James Potter you scolded earlier was priceless. I almost wish he had told me someone had given him some shit, it would've made this even funnier."

The exchange lasted another ten minutes before Lily felt like she needed to wrap things up. "Alright, boys, say your thank you's so we can get going!"

Sirius and James almost immediately protested, offering to play video games with them for some time.

"No that's quite alright, maybe at another time." Lily offered, though she knew that this was a one time opportunity.

"Great, how about next Friday? I have some free time in my schedule. I can come over and kick the ball around with Harry and Ron? Harry was just telling me you installed a goal and netting in your backyard." James' suggestion caused her to huff before looking at Harry nervously. She didn't want to make Harry upset with her, but she wanted to protect him from false promises.

"I don't know, we'd have to check the calendar at home. I may have something planned that day." She tried to appear nonchalant but Harry was struggling to contain his excitement. "Okay, okay.. We can try to see if we're free and get together."

James stood up and took Lily aside by her elbow. She quickly yanked it from his hand and huffed, then had the decency to look apologetic.

"Look, Lily, I truly feel terrible for earlier. I did have to call my mom, I didn't expect it to take as long as it did. I would love to spend some time with Harry and make it up to both of you. It's the offseason now, so I'm just practicing and keeping up with exercise. It would do me some good to be able to practice instructional work at a basic level." James was sincere in his words, and that much was obvious to Lily. She sighed before letting a soft smile grace her features.

"Okay, fine but James, you need to understand how important this is to him. Something can't come up at the last minute. If you say you'll be there, then you need to be there." Lily was firm as she set the standards for his behavior. James' wide grin took over as he held his hand out for her to shake. She pumped it twice before turning back to see her son's eyes lit up.

Lily watched through the kitchen window as James showed Harry how to best dribble the ball in a zig-zag motion to avoid competitors. He had run the drill about five times now, and each time Harry would almost trip, just for James to catch him in his arms. And each time, Lily felt her heart stop as she watched her son's body bolt towards the ground, only to be saved by this near-stranger.

She hated that it made her realize just how attractive he was, especially because he had on a white t-shirt that seemed to hug his biceps in just the right way… Lily shook her head when she caught herself focusing on the wrong person in this encounter, instead choosing to pay attention once more to her son. If nothing else, James was genuinely a good person who seemed to be invested in helping a genuine soccer fan.

"Harry! It's almost supper time!" She called out through the back window, watching as both James and Harry turned to look at her in surprise as if they had forgotten she was home. Harry jogged to the goal post to kick the ball towards James before asking if he would stay for dinner. James' look back at Lily was endearing, his eyes wide behind his glasses as he appeared to be waiting for her approval. She pretended to think for a minute before laughing and letting them both know that James could stay.

Sat around the table a short time later, Lily couldn't help but smile at the two boys who were still chatting about the improvements that Harry had made in the yard on his form.

"Okay, okay. Enough sports talk. C'mon, Harry. Tell me a fun fact!" Lily prompted, waiting for Harry to finish chewing before he let her know that Betty White is older than sliced bread. The three completed their meal with light chatter and amenable conversation.

Lily went upstairs to tuck Harry in and came downstairs to see that James was still downstairs. The dishes had all been placed in the washer and the pot was soaking in the sink.

"You didn't need to do this," she insisted, though she was incredibly grateful for the assistance, as the dishes were the worst part of her evening.

"It's the least I could do, Lily. Thank you for allowing me to stay for dinner. I had a fantastic time." The way he spoke her name sent a slight chill down her spine despite her cheeks going pink. Lily would blame that on the wine she had with dinner if she was ever asked. James leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her cheek, his eyes sparkling behind the lenses he wore.

"I hope to see you again soon," James admitted as he turned to snag his coat from the back of the kitchen chair.

"Harry has a championship game next weekend, it's at the park down the street. I know he really wanted you there. I can save you a seat?" Lily's offer must have taken him by surprise because his tan coat slid from his hands and she couldn't stifle a giggle as he fumbled while picking it up.

"Yes, yes! Of course, absolutely. Text me the details," he slipped his feet back into his chelsea boots before throwing a wide grin her way.

_Harry is so excited for you to come to his game_

_I'm so excited to come as well. And cheer along with a certain redhead ;) _

_ A certain redhead is excited too._

_Should a certain redhead and a certain star soccer player grab dinner afterwards?_

_ I think a pretty redhead and a mediocre, overhyped athlete should absolutely grab a bite to eat_

_Ouch. the athlete would be delighted to take out the stunning redhead._

_ The redhead will be counting down the days xoxo_

Lily attempted to call James' phone twice before deciding he must just be stuck in traffic, especially since he is so good with not texting and driving. Harry kept looking at the stands nervously and Lily knew exactly who he was looking for. She waved down at him and offered him two thumbs up, trying to fake a large grin despite the growing pit in her stomach that had been forming since warm ups because. She looked to her right where Remus was seated.

"I'm sure he's just running late." He reassured her, though the nervous look in his eyes as he scanned the crowd betrayed his statement.

As Harry's match started, Lily felt the pit in her stomach turn to a burning rage. Not a phone call, not a text. No warning that he'd be missing Harry's championship game, the one that he had personally asked James to go to. How many times had she let him know that if he was going to make a promise then he had to be there? And why hadn't she reminded him of the severity of his promise when they spoke yesterday? She felt sick to her stomach knowing how disappointed Harry was that his favorite player- no, person- in the world hadn't shown up for him like he promised.

The end of the game came and went. Harry's team won in a shutout, 3-0. Harry scored one of the goals and instead of celebrating with a teammate, his eyes had scanned the stands with a frown taking over his expression. It had been at that precise moment that Lily felt the pit in her stomach turn to one of intense rage. Remus had been on his phone almost the entirety of the game, and she had a feeling he had been trying to track down James.

The only response she received was a short, one word text: _sorry_. Well, James Potter, sorry just doesn't cut it when you've broken the heart of one of your biggest fans. Not when he's Lily's son.

Hours later, Harry had been put to bed and consoled after endless tears featuring questions such as asking where James was, and didn't he care, and why wouldn't he show up, and had he called yet, and did he not want to spend time with Harry anymore, and did Lily think James forgot, and on and on and on. Lily thought Harry would never tire, until finally he did, and she was able to go down to the living room, settle into the couch with a good book, and a cup of tea. Mere minutes later did the doorbell ring and she cursed whoever thought it was a good idea to show up unannounced at Harry's bedtime. As she hurried to the door to prevent a second ring, she mumbled under her breath about murder and jail time.

"Lily I-." At the sight of James' face she shut the door, only for him to knock continuously.

"What?" She asked angrily while opening the door again if only to stop the knocking. Lily arched her eyebrow as her arms crossed over her chest. "Are you trying to wake Harry up? I'd rather you didn't as you won't be seeing him anymore, and that doesn't seem fair to tease him."

"Wait, what? Not see him anymore? C'mon, that's not fair Lily!" He sounded desperate, but she didn't care. James had broken her son's heart one too many times and she wasn't going to open herself, or him, up to that kind of pain again. She had considered actually giving James a chance, but now that he had hurt her son, there was not going to be any chance of that ever happening.

"It's perfectly fair. He needed you today and you bailed. So, you can blame yourself for this." Her voice was cold as she continued to block his access to the house.

"_Please_! Let me explain!" He begged but it was too late, as she had already slammed the door shut and began to walk away. Lily's eyes started to water but she refused to let the hurt that James caused her overshadow the anger she felt because of the hurt that James caused to her son.

James had taken to sending Lily a random assortment of gifts as a way to apologize. Chocolates, flowers, and even a gold bracelet had arrived at her doorstep. She was getting angry at the little tokens of his appreciation piling up by her back door. She had refused to touch any of them, but throwing them away felt too harsh.

"Mom!" Harry called from upstairs, to which she sprinted up. He sounded distressed and it made her nervous. Lily peeked into his room and he gestured to the window.

James' car had just pulled up, to which she pulled Harry's blinds closed and acted as though neither of them were home, despite her Nissan sitting in the driveway.

"I think he's sorry, mom. Shouldn't you talk to him?" Harry's voice was meek as he questioned her decisions.

"No, Harry. James is not going to be around anymore. I'm sorry, I know that you liked it when he was able to come over and play soccer but he's a busy guy and… and you'll understand when you're older. I don't have the words to explain it to you right now." Although she felt guilty, Lily couldn't find the words to explain to her son that she was trying to protect both of their hearts. She wanted Harry to still look up to his idol and admire him, so she knew that telling him James was just a disappointment was out of the question. Lily tucked Harry into bed, a final kiss to his forehead to signal the end of the conversation.

Lily could still hear the knocking downstairs, her frustration growing as she felt like a prisoner in her own home.

"GO. AWAY." Lily yelled through the door, giving it a little kick with her foot to signal that she was not going to be dealing with his nonsense anymore.

She heard his muffled argument and opened the door to see his fist halfway up to the door, ready to knock again, only for it to fall lamely by his side. James gulped and then stepped forward, both hands cupping her cheeks. Within moments she was pressed against the door, his mouth covering hers. Lily considered fighting it before the thought was gone from her mind and she was sliding her fingers into his thick, unruly hair.

After what must have only been a few minutes, James' lips traveled down to rest at the bend in her neck as Lily tried to catch her breath and figure out when things had taken a turn.

"James, what are-" The question died on her lips as he kissed her again, this time lifting her so that her legs were wrapped around his waist.

"I don't care if you forgive me or not, I needed to do this at least once," he explained as he moved over to sit down on the couch, but she quickly stopped him.

"No. I mean… no, not here. Harry could come downstairs. My room. It's just through there." Lily pointed to a door over his shoulder, off the living room and an entire floor away from Harry's. James must have been surprised by her answer, though happy with it, because he seemed to move more quickly towards the white door, shutting it behind him and allowing her to twist the lock so that they wouldn't have any surprise interruptions.

Making their way over to the bed, James finally sat down and let out a little sigh of relief.

"Excuse me, what are you trying to say?" With an arched eyebrow, Lily pursed her lips as she waited for an answer.

"That my arms are sore from an intense pushup challenge with Sirius yesterday, and that I'm not 21 anymore and cannot just offer some physical competition to win an argument about who picks the restaurant for dinner." This response reminds Lily of what attracted her to James in the first place. He's carefree, fun, and reminds her of what it means to be able to let go and just enjoy life. He's also incredibly prideful, competitive, and stubborn. Most people would give in and compromise; James put his body through physical labor just in order to decide on tacos for dinner. She's sure it would be tacos, just as she's sure the athlete isn't just here to kiss and make up.

Lily climbs off of his lap, lifting her shirt over her head as a way of consent to what he's asking of her.

"Whoa. Whoa, wait what?" James' eyes are wide behind his glasses and her face flames as she realizes she may have misread the situation.

"Um is that not why you came over?" Lily is tentative as she bends to pick her cotton shirt from the floor, James hand grabbing her wrist to pull her attention back to him.

"I'm not complaining about the sudden development, I just didn't anticipate… Not entirely? Although I can't say I wasn't hoping for…" James trailed off and decided to let his mouth communicate in more useful ways by pressing a soft kiss to the skin on her stomach. Stretched out from carrying Harry, Lily has become more self conscious about the faint scars that riddle her pale skin. James' lips seem to trace over the marks which sends a shiver down her spine. Lily feels truly beautiful in the moment.

James lays her back on the bed and they stay up late through the night, grateful that Harry doesn't wake up to interrupt.

Lily wakes up with a soreness she hasn't felt in awhile. She also has a feeling of satisfaction as she rolls over onto her side, reaching a hand out to stroke James' hair, only to have her hand fall against a cold pillow. The smile quickly dissipates from her mouth as she sits up, feeling quite disheveled as she realizes that she's in bed alone. The place where James had fallen asleep is cold, meaning he's been gone for a long time.

In an attempt not to panic, Lily assumes that he had an early practice session and had to leave. It is a later than usual wake up for her routine, after all. She looks to the bedside table that had been closest to him, hoping for a note, but she sees nothing.

"It's 2019 you idiot, check your phone." Lily scans her messages for a text, hoping James sent her an explanation but there is nothing. Just a message from Remus asking if she wanted to grab lunch later with Harry. Lily quickly responds with a yes, feeling shaky as she dials James' number, but it goes straight to voicemail. It's odd, but she figures he's shut it off for practice. They can talk about this later, she thinks. She can let him know that she needs some sort of update so she doesn't have a major bout of anxiety to start her day. He'll apologize and kiss her forehead and she will forgive him.

Except James doesn't return her call. Or her text asking if he wants to come over for dinner. Or the one asking if he minds practicing penalty kicks with Harry this weekend.

Lunch with Remus is bearable, though she can hardly focus on the conversation and he asks twice if she's okay and wants a raincheck. She's grateful she left Harry at the Weasley's because she'd be unable to manage her son in a busy cafe at lunchtime. Lily brushes his questions off, but when he asks whether she's spoken to James since he missed Harry's soccer game, she realizes that James hadn't filled Remus in on his plans to drop by last night.

Making an impulsive decision, Lily quickly shakes her head and gnaws on her lower lip to distract herself from the emotional pain she's feeling. On the walk home, Lily replays their evening in her head.

_I'm not complaining about it._

_I just didn't anticipate… Not entirely._

_Although I can't say I wasn't hoping for…_

He was hoping for it. James had been to Lily's house with the hopes he'd be able to get her naked and in bed, and then after it happened, he'd tossed her aside like some Instagram model he met in one of the many cities he played in. Well, two could play at that game. Lily could toss him aside, like some shameful rendezvous. A one night stand that left her satisfied and didn't have to hurt Harry.

_Two can play this game_, she thinks as she walks up her front steps, slamming the door behind her. Lily eyes the flowers in their blue vase, sent just days prior. She chucks them into the trash bin and huffs.

The brief chapter in her life titled James Potter is closed.

Harry brings him up at random times. The worst is when he's getting ready for a game and asks if she's invited him. Lily has to remind Harry that James leads a busy life and is often traveling, and therefore can't show up to community soccer games, though she's sure he'd want to be there.

When Lily had given birth to Harry, before losing her fiance, she had never expected having to protect him in this way. Despite wanting to soil James' reputation in her son's eyes, she refuses to be that parent and will move on maturely.

Lily is sitting in the stands, Molly to her right and Remus to her left, when she sees Harry wave excitedly from the field. She grins and waves back at him before hearing a throat clearing from behind her.

"I don't mean to be rude, but I think that wave was meant for me." Her eyes widen at the sound of the deep voice behind her, head swiveling only to meet James' gaze. He was sitting on the bleachers where his feet were supposed to go, instead dangling below the bleachers. This put them at almost direct eye level.

"_What_ are you doing here?" The words come out from between her teeth, but she is attempting to maintain a semblance of civility as she turns to face the field again.

"I missed Harry's championship qualifier a few weeks ago. Remus let me know there was another tournament today so I wanted to come cheer him on." James' breath ghosted over her ear as he leaned forward to share the information with her. She feels her blood boiling at his response.

Who gave him the right to just show up unannounced? He had no claims to her son, no right to be at this game. She would have to prepare Harry again for constant disappointment. He'd expect James to show up at every game now, and there was no way that she'd be able to stop him from getting his hopes up everytime he was preparing for a match.

As the game passed on, James remained respectful and kept his distance, though he would squeeze her shoulder when Harry had the ball and seemed to be running much closer to the net.

"C'mon Harry!" She screamed, cupping her hands to her mouth.

"You know, he gets very nervous when you yell," James commented, glancing down at her with a sweet smile on his face; her hand twitched with the urge to slap it away.

"Excuse me?"

"He told me while we were practicing one night that he wanted to win and that when he knows you're cheering him on he's so excited, but that he's also so scared he'll mess up and make you sad. He says when he hears you it reminds him of that all over again." Lily had a sudden desire to flip out on him. How dare he acted as though he knew her son better? She took a moment and glanced at Harry, noting the way that Harry was twisting a piece of his hair between his index finger and thumb during a timeout, the nervous tick he usually has whenever he's preparing for a game. She wondered how she hasn't noticed this before and immediately feels guilty.

"Right, well… Thank you."

The game ends. Harry's had one assist and one goal. One of three that were scored that sent them to the next round, which won't be played for two weeks due to field scheduling conflicts. She's proud of her son, but also incredibly grateful that there will be a weekend where she's not forced to wake up early and prepare team snacks, or search for cleats, or struggle with grass stains. They can relax, maybe head up the coast for a little getaway, just the two of them.

Harry bounded up to her and wrapped his arms around her waist before calling for James, who unfortunately decided to stick around after the game. Her hand rests on Harry's shoulder, holding him back from also running up to James. He huffs, but stays by her side, as though he knows he needs to remain loyal.

"That was a fantastic game, Harry. Your assist was detrimental to helping you guys get ahead so early and gain some confidence. Great skill level, there." James was grinning as he crouched down to be closer to Harry's height. "Shall we celebrate with some ice cream?"

Harry peered up at Lily with wide eyes. She wants to say no. She wants to show James she has the upper hand and make him feel stupid, but then she thinks of the hurt it will cause her son and the thoughts immediately melt away.

"Yes, that would be fine." Lily and James both watch as Harry runs to the bench to switch into sneakers and then run back. James seems to have stepped closer to her, so she quickly sidesteps to give them distance.

"Have fun, be back within an hour please," Lily requested before grabbing Harry's things and heading to the parking lot long after they've left. She chatted with the other soccer moms for a bit, wondering when her life became this cliche she hadn't prepared for.

At home, Lily takes her time with cleaning up, making sure that she is able to distract herself until James drops her son back off. Time goes by slower than she anticipated, but just when she thinks maybe she should give James a call, he's walking through the door while carrying Harry piggyback style. He's got a small paper bag in one hand, holding it out to her before crouching so Harry can hop off and run up to his room.

"He told me that mint chip is your favorite, except when they have cake batter with the fudge swirl so that's what we got you. Nothing on it. There's a cone in the bag too because he wasn't sure which you'd prefer." 

Lily suspiciously took the bag from his hand before letting out a soft sigh.

"All right, Evans?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, yes. Just an early morning. Thank you for the ice cream. And showing up to Harry's game. I know it made him happy to see you."

"Maybe I could come to another game again soon?" James asked, ruffling his hair with both hands. "I really did enjoy watching him play. He's quite good for his age."

"Yeah, maybe. He's not playing for a few weeks but… But I'm sure he'd be happy to have you at the next round in the tournament." Lily hadn't expected to actually see James again, but then he showed up like he belonged in their lives. It bothered her how easily he was able to integrate at the game, supporting both Harry and herself, if she was being honest.

"Yeah, okay." James' grin grew as he stepped towards the doorway. "It was really, _really_ good to see you today." He mumbled, chewing on his inner cheek, a habit she had noticed only appeared when he seemed unsure of himself.

"It was nice to see you too, James. Have a good weekend."

_10:09 AM_

_Does harry want to play at the field later? We cld run some drills. sirius too. And he can bring ron._

_ Yeah, okay. I can see if Ron is free._

_Great. See you at 5?_

_ Perfect. See ya!_

_8:34 PM_

_Thx again for bringing HArry, he's def improving. Hes ready for nxt wk_

_ Thank you, we owe you a lot._

_It's nothing, srsly._

_ It's very much appreciated._

_It's my pleasure, Evans._

_ Uh oh, Harry had a nightmare. Duty calls!_

_Night xoxo :) _

The messages like that continued between them. What was once meant to be something fierce and passionate, quickly burned out and turned into a budding friendship. Lily found herself searching for James' opinion on the littlest things. She also thought about him constantly. What was a burning desire before had quickly turned into admiration. Lily wanted to share every detail of her day with him. They often ended the night by talking on the phone with one another, even if only for a few minutes.

Remus was the first to call her out on this new relationship, a smirk across his face as he asked her. James was going through different running drills with Harry in the backyard while she went for a stroll around the block with their mutual friend.

"So, James hangs out around the house more often, hm?" To some it would seem like an innocent question, but Lily could tell based on Remus' smirk and the tone behind his question that he was probing for more.

"It's not like that, Remus. We're simply friends. He's become a good role model for Harry and I won't mess that up." Lily was adamant that Harry deserved to have strong male role models in his life.

"Or you could be depriving him of a father figure, but sure. Whatever you say, Lily! It's your life to mess up." He winked and playfully nudged her with his elbow. The comment bothered her as they continued their walk in silence.

"Do you think Harry's life is lacking because his father passed away and I haven't remarried?" The question bubbled up before she had even realized what she was asking. A deep rooted fear, Lily was so worried that she was depriving Harry of the chance at a father because she was too scared to date.

"No, no I don't think that. You're giving Harry a wonderful life. He's lucky to have you as a mom, and he has plenty of men to fill in that father figure role that he's missing because his own dad can't be here. Lily, it was a joke, okay? I promise that you're doing a great job." Remus' words caused Lily to tear up, an unexpected turn of events. She quickly rubbed her eyes before walking more quickly in an effort to get home. She had this urge to hug her son tightly to her and never let go.

Stepping into the backyard, James' eyes met Lily's and he instantly frowned.

"What happened?" He asked softly as he stepped up to be by her side. She quickly waved him off before attempting a smile.

"Nothing, nothing. Just mom tears. Nothing's wrong." Despite her reassurances, James pulled her into a hug and kissed her forehead. "I'm fine, James." Surprising even herself, Lily did feel fine. Something about James trying to make her feel better helped, and she smiled as Harry dribbled the ball over with more skill than she had ever seen him display before.

"Wow! Look at you, all of that hard work is paying off!" Lily smiled up at James for a moment, squeezing his waist before she stepped over to press a kiss to Harry's hair. "Finish up, almost time for dinner- and yes, James can stay.

Hours later, Lily lays in bed by herself. She isn't sure when it happened, but she wants James to be a permanent fixture in their lives. Lily wants him around regularly. It's not something she knows how to put into words, but she thinks she could get used to him being in her home more often.

Pulling up her phone, she clicks on his contact and waits for it to ring.

"Open your door." The words are spoken softly into her ear and she looks confused for a moment, sitting up alone in her room.

"J-James?"

"Obviously. Open your front door." She gets up, tugging her robe on tightly around her. Lily can hear his soft breathing through the phone, and she can tell he's smiling. James' smile just exudes this energy she can feel even through the phone.

"If this is some big prank, I swear to god on all that you love, James Potter, I will castrate you." He laughs and as she approaches the front door she can hear him from outside. Unlocking it, the door is opened before she can protest. James quickly cups both of her cheeks and pressing an urgent kiss to her lips. She wants to give in but an urgent sense of déjà vu pulls her away.

"No! No. I can't go through this again, James. I'm not just some toy that you can come fuck whenever you decide that you're bored." Lily grew angry, feeling used and betrayed.

"What? Lily, I.. No, admittedly I'm going about this wrong. I just left today and realized I didn't want to leave. I want this. Whatever this is… you and I, I want it." He sighed and leaned back against the door, banging his head once and then letting it stay there. "I want to wake up beside you and run drills with Harry and help you with dishes. I want to hold you and kiss you, yes, but I want the other things too. I want cheering on your son at soccer games and having you both cheer me on at mine." His hands were in his pockets as he looked down at her. Lily took a step backwards, afraid that if she leaned into him she'd burn. Icarus flying too close to the sun.

Everything about James made her feel like she was on fire.

"Then why come over here, why kiss me like that? Like last time? You fucked me and then left me alone, ignoring all of my calls and texts."

"I…" James trailed off, tugging on his hair as he let his eyes close. "I'm an idiot. I didn't know how to give you what you wanted. I didn't know if I could be a good boyfriend and be there for Harry. I fucked up, and I know that now." His words were genuine and she understood what it was like to feel scared, but she also knew what it was like to see her son hurt.

"And what happens next time you freak out? What if Harry asks you something that you don't have the answer to, or he makes you feel like it's too much? You can't just run out on him- on us- like that."

"Don't you see, Lily? I realized I was a huge idiot. I don't want to be scared anymore; I'm not scared! I love Harry. And I love you. I want to be in this for real. I want marriage and babies. I want a life with you. I'm in love with you." James took a tentative step towards her, his hand lifting up slowly to cup her cheek. Lily's heart was pounding in her chest as she kept her gaze stricken downward at their feet, inches apart. Taking her time, the redhead lifted her eyes so that they were meeting his. The moonlight cast a ghostly glow against his tan skin, making him look luminescent in her doorway.

"Yeah, you were a pretty big moron."

"Hey, I said idiot!" He joked before pressing their foreheads together. Lily let her eyes close as she felt his breath wash over her skin. He smelled like peppermint and something sweet. "I'm serious, Lily. I want this. It's too strong between us to deny much longer. We may both implode if we try to."

Lily nodded just barely, her hands lifting up to cup the back of his neck. "If we're doing this, we really have to try. No half assing it. No miscommunication. No getting scared. We talk things out. We try at it. Everyday."

"Uh huh." He murmured, already leaning in to kiss her again.

"Third time's a charm?" She suggested, giggling slightly once he pulled away.

"I think that we're way past three, if that first night was any indication." James was laughing, louder now.

"Oh, gross! C'mon mom, not with James! Couldn't you have gone after Remus or something? You two are both nerds!" Lily pulled away and laughed as she heard Harry's voice from the top of the stairs.

"Harry! Excuse you!" James was laughing in Lily's ear, his arms tight around her waist.

"Sorry, bud. But if it helps, you're always my number one? I mean, who else is going to understand when I'm setting up a short corner?!" James' response made Lily smile, her hands going to rest on his forearms.

"Fine, fine. I'm getting a glass of water, mom. Just like… be cool, okay? It's James Potter." Harry sighed and shook his head before darting into the kitchen. Lily and James made their way inside as Harry carried the glass back upstairs to his room.

"Hear that? You better be cool, Evans. You're making out with the one and only James Potter." Lily wiped James' smirk away effectively with a kiss.

"You're the one who better be cool," she retorted.

"Oh, yeah? Why's that?"

"Because you're making out with the future wife of star player, James Potter. But more importantly, the mother of his prodigy."


End file.
